Hockey ought to be enjoyable for all … officials included

My Pee Wee team hit the pavement last weekend for our long-awaited and highly-anticipated road trip to the North Woods. The kids got enough pool time and junk food to permanently cover their skin in chlorine rashes – and propel them to mother-of-all sugar highs.

After four games in three days we had a tired 12-year-old in the car. Once his Mother was done having him drawn and quartered psychologically with a weekend’s worth of ignored homework, we settled into a peaceful journey home.

The quiet of a car full of tired kids and parents can give the driver ample time to re-hash the weekend.

I was mentally scouring the trip for things like “Which team parent wore the lampshade”?  A question I will leave unanswered to protect the not-so-innocent Hockey Mom or Dad from embarrassment.

Or how about this one – “Did I really leave the X-Box power cord in the hotel room”?

The answer is yes, and my son told me a little piece of him died inside once he discovered the oversight.

Finally – “Why on Earth are parents and coaches so rude and mean to referees?”

And that’s what this entry is about.

I have been a youth hockey coach for almost 10 years…3 of which have been as the head guy. During my time on the bench I have made every effort possible to be respectful and polite to the officials we work with.

You see, I get the impression that the men and women blowing the whistles care just as much about the well-being of the kids on the ice as everyone else in the rink.  I really believe that, and you should to.

The guys working our Sunday game had a tough day. It was their third of the afternoon and they were gassed.  One team was huge and not afraid to use their size to their advantage, and the other team (mine) had some kids that decided to play the game in a manner that would have made Freddie Shero proud back in the ‘70’s.  I also (regrettably) had words with and for “the stripes”.  The opposing bench gave it to them just as badly, and it was a close championship game which added to the tension.

After the horn I made a point to go beyond the handshake ritual and get their thoughts on what had transpired.

The lead official was apologetic for letting things get out of hand, admitting he was tired and probably should have clamped down a little more. I apologized for raising my voice during a discussion of an uncalled offsides that led to a goal, and we discussed how we all could have handled the situation differently to create a safer and more positive environment for the kids.

That – to me – is what the relationship between officials and coaches should be about, especially at the younger levels of play. Work together in the best interests of the children to ensure their safety (and enjoyment) in a given game and future games.

As we parted ways, with me headed into a locker room full of kids conspiring to shake up bottles of soda and spray each other, the officials (hopefully on their way to a well-deserved refreshment and meal) mentioned the volume and tone of the rhetoric which had been coming from the stands throughout the weekend.

As a coach, I usually don’t hear it. I’m busy talking to the kids, switching lines, looking for my coffee, and wishing I had used the bathroom before opening faceoff.

After a hotly contested game like Sunday’s, I try to get a report from a parent or kid on how things went in the cheap seats … actually, with the cost of hockey I don’t think there’s ever a cheap seat … but I digress.

My wife gave me a slightly sheepish look and admitted things had been a little salty during the game. There were bodies flying, kids getting dinged, nets being knocked off posts right before (or maybe slightly after) the puck had crossed the line and other random acts the parents (on both sides) took exception to.

I spend a lot of time in hockey rinks and I enjoy sitting down and taking in a youth game even if my kids aren’t skating. I’m also the last guy in the world that wants to contribute to the notion that hockey parents are more crazed than other sport’s moms and dads. That said, the rhetoric I’m hearing in the stands this season (mostly directed at officials) is getting stupid. Maybe it’s been like this forever and I’m just noticing now, but for the life of me I can’t imagine why anyone would want to grab a whistle, skate onto the ice and expose themselves to that kind of garbage.

At the Pee Wee level, we pay a little over $70 for two officials to work an exhibition game. Assuming the District is getting a piece of the action, the paycheck is in the neighborhood of $30 per game. At that rate, I think it’s safe to guess most of the officials aren’t in it for the money.

Have I had a direct conversation with a referee to understand their motivation for doing what they do? No. Am I confident in assuming part of it is a passion for sports, and kids’ sports in particular? Yes. With that in mind, I’m going on record asking hockey parents to think before they shout at the officials during their child’s games. Stop and ask yourself if it’s really good form to bellow insults from the stands, knowing the impressionable youngsters can hear every word. As a problem solver (self-proclaimed), I’ve created some simple guidelines…..

• Cheer for your child and his or her teammates? Absolutely!
• Applaud an excellent save by the opposing goaltender? Of course!
• Audibly gasp every time a player slams into the boards? I suppose.
• Question the judgment and bench tactics of your child’s coach? Only if you’re married to him.
• Scream like a banshee at the officials when they mess up an offsides call in a youth game? Grow up.

Hockey is fun, watching it is fun, and playing is fun. Being an official should be an fun too … let’s respect that from the (not so) cheap seats.

Dry Scrape Items – Just because I love saying “dry scrape”

• Hockey associations, why is it so hard for some of you to post tournament brackets and/or teams entered in a timely manner? It gives me something to research on the internet when I should be working on this column or selling houses, and generally speaking it’s nice to have an idea of how your weekend will be playing out. I know you might not have a full field, but the term “TBD” has been an effective multi-purpose filler for years. And while we’re at it, would it kill you to update results on your website during the course of the event? Being forced to wait around for results or call the arena and bug the Zamboni guys to see who you’re playing next is ridiculous. A great tournament is a product of planning, logistics, atmosphere AND communication.
• The current malaise that’s overtaken the Minnesota Wild is the product of one position – goaltender. You can have a hockey team full of heart, speed, ability, and skill – but if one guy can’t stop the puck none of those other team attributes matter, especially in the NHL. Crossing their fingers for the second consecutive season that Josh Harding could contribute was the first mistake. After that, things snowballed. Injuries, tragic deaths and the post-contract blues have had an impact, but none of those compare to the disaster between the pipes. Maybe Devan Dubnyk makes them respectable, but the damage is done and they need to fix this problem before next season.
• When does the Gopher Men’s team start playing?

The post Anderson: Refs are people too appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

What follows is an explanation of why it’s necessary to help your fellow hockey parent in the early days of their early seasons.  In the spirit of the holidays, read this and take a moment to help out a glassy eyed mini-mite parent.  This is not a critique, we’ve all been there.  Please don’t get your feelings hurt. Save that for when your kid is unjustly denied his or her rightful place on an A team.  You’ll need all your energy for that battle.

Our home arena has a player entrance.

That door also serves as an unguarded entrance to high school games (the use of which ALWAYS results in the fan going out the same door and proceeding directly to the ticket stand) and a gateway for nut-job parents like myself that still insist on attending every practice and game.

In the fall, the flow of vehicle traffic leading up to – and away from – that entrance is pleasant and orderly.  The older kids are engaged in tryouts, and after their teams have been selected the pathway is still navigable as veteran parents have the drop off/ pick up drill dialed in. We old-timers know we only slow down long enough for our child to scramble out of an almost moving vehicle.

The winds of change begin to blow when our youngest skaters arrive on the scene.  The onset of the mite season brings a new crop of parents learning the ways of the hockey drop off and pick up.  In a truly Minnesotan rite of passage, these newbie Moms & Dads become automotive gobstoppers by parking in the turn-around circle (or whatever you call that circle where the cars turn around), blocking and/or completely stopping the flow of traffic with their cars while demonstrating a complete lack of efficiency during the unloading and loading process.

Here’s your first opportunity to be a hockey helper.

Step one – lay on the horn. Then let ‘em know the illegal parking is completely out of bounds.  Ask them, “Would you park like that at your kids’ school?” Hop out of the car and direct traffic or show the rookies how to yank a hockey bag out of the car and underhand it towards the entrance.  And if you’re fortunate enough to encounter a vehicle with a fine layer of dust, leave a lengthy note on the hood to educate them on the finer points of rink parking.

Once that gentle lesson has been taught, and all cars are safely (and appropriately) parked, the new hockey parent will proceed directly to the nearest available locker room.  That room schedule on the wall or television? It’s clearly not applying to them.  Listen closely and you’ll hear the giveaway, “this one looks empty, let’s go in here!” Teachable moment number two has arrived.

Try this – set off an explosion of 12 year olds in their sanctuary and watch their sweet little mite scramble to escape the hell that is a Pee Wee locker room.  Not only will you teach a valuable lesson, but our new hockey friends will get a taste of what their future holds.  It’s loud, inattentive, and smells like a Florida swamp being used as an expired Mayonnaise dumping ground.

You’ve done another good deed, helping the little guys, girls, Moms and Dads get settled into the appropriate dressing area (or at least a room in the same building); and this means the march to the ice is about to begin.

With kids tripping over each other, two parents escorting each child, the aforementioned Pee Wee explosion going the other way and running down everyone in their path, everyone stopping to chat … this is the most dangerous time of the day.  The veteran hockey parent would seize this moment and dash for the safety of their parked vehicle or a warm corner of the arena, but not you, because you’re here to help.  Tell the kids the Zamboni is right behind them and coming in hot.  Watch them scramble for the safety of the ice.

Let the fun begin, your work here is done.

Dry Scrape Item –

Like “Overtime” only cooler – Get It?

One month into the season, and we’ve had the Zamboni door open twice prior to the end of a close game.  The main culprits: Devastating (yet short-lived) injuries that require a less-than-agile coach to shuffle across the ice and back AND seemingly endless offside calls.

Most of these calls could be avoided if a tag-up offside rule was in place for the Pee Wee/U12 level and up.  The majority of kids at this level aren’t jumping the gun through ignorance.  They know the rule, but the game is moving fast and sometimes they just can’t help but slide into the zone early.

The kids at this level are more than capable of clearing the zone and regrouping, and frankly speaking, that would be a better teaching tool than a whistle and stoppage of play.

The post Be a hockey helper appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

Tryout season arrived last week, and my 12-year-old demanded an assessment of his chances after the first session.  It went something like this …

Post-practice child (carrying the scent of a long-dead Yak) asks, “What team do you think I’ll make?”

Father that has sworn off car coaching (sort of), facing the open window, between gags replies, “You’re on the bubble, keep working hard and see where you end up.”

That’s become my stock answer, and that’s all he’s getting.  As a second year Pee Wee, he doesn’t need an adult to piece together the tryout/placement puzzle anymore.  He’s skated with the kids in our organization long enough to know where he falls as they step on the ice for the first session, and has a pretty good read on his competition.

As a parent, I’m liking his situational awareness.  Maybe it will provide the push he needs to bring more effort to hockey AND other components of his life.

As it stands, his post-homework options are a) the iPhone (the only time it leaves his sight is when he goes somewhere with friends, and we may need to reach him) OR b) The iPad (school provided, used primarily for fantasy football and hockey leagues) OR c) The iWannaplayxbox, otherwise known as “the precious” … don’t you just love it when they emerge from the basement all Gollum-like after a healthy afternoon of gaming.

Or maybe I’m jealous because he whoops me in whatever NHL video game we’re playing and the ridicule is hurtful to this former Donkey Kong King … either way IT HAS TO STOP!

So when I catch him mentally creating the A team roster and then working his way through the competition for the other squads, I’m hoping he’s connecting the dots between effort and achievement.  If he succeeds in his stated quest to jump a couple of levels, I’ll have another tool in my belt to motivate him in other endeavors.

That’s the hoped-for outcome – work hard and be recognized for the effort.

As anyone who’s spent time in sports knows, it doesn’t always play out that way.  Sometimes all the hard work in the world doesn’t get you where you want to be and that’s a painful lesson to learn at any age.

As a C-level coach last season, I got to make the tough phone calls to the kids (including my own) that felt like they deserved a better fate.  Nothing (I say sarcastically) beats the thrill of having a young man crying on the other end of the line because he has to go to school the next day and face his peers – who jumped up a level … nothing except the occasional full body acid bath or Ariana Grande’s greatest hits – on repeat – turned up to 10.  It’s. No. Fun.

That’s a heartbreaking moment for kids, parents and even coaches.  But if you play our game in an association, there’s no avoiding it.  Association hockey is (wisely) tiered so kids are skating against kids with similar skills.  It makes the competition fair and in no way diminishes their in-season achievements.

Nor should it remove any of the fun, and that’s my message for him – and all the kids I coach.  Regardless of the level you’re playing, you go out and compete just like the other kids.  You also have fun in the locker room and on road trips and smell like a decomposing Himalayan bovid after practice and games.

And, getting back to the tryout process, there might just be a life lesson or two taught along the way.  Enjoying success or learning from failure are part of the deal.  Maybe he doesn’t make the team he targeted, but he’s getting better every time he steps on the ice because he’s learned to listen to the people guiding him and is working hard.

I’ll gladly take that as a silver lining because it will carry over into school, and jobs, and college, and whatever career he chooses (currently topping the list is the NHL General Manager, which is why he is allowed to waste valuable studying time playing fantasy hockey).

And marriage too. You know how the kids nod their head when the coach asks ‘do you understand the drill?’ and then go out and do it entirely wrong?  That’s early husband training; he’ll need that skill as he gets older.

So ultimately, I don’t care which team he ends up on, as long as he works hard, gets along with his teammates and listens to his coach in practice.  Check those three boxes and we’re going to have a great year!

Oh, and showers after practice … that dead Yak smell doesn’t go away by itself.

Overtime

Following last month’s debut of this column, a representative of the public relations department of USA Hockey reached out to our esteemed editor, contesting my assertion that a member of their staff may have written the open letter from the “Anonymous Hockey Mom.”

I’ll gladly accept and acknowledge their denial, but add this caveat:  No one that uses the written word to further an agenda should publish something written anonymously.  If you feel strongly enough to write and/or print something, you had darn well better have the backbone to attach a name to the piece.

I’m a big supporter of USA Hockey and the ADM, but they can get awfully preachy when it comes to the topic of limiting kids’ hockey time.  That piece pushed me over the top and it wasn’t due to the content, it was because whoever wrote it lacked the courage – and commitment to the message – to sign their name.  That’s the kind of stuff that flies online in creepy chat rooms and message boards.  USA Hockey should do better.

The post Anderson: Tryouts, Tension and Teaching appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

In debut column, Joe Anderson insists one size does not fit all when it comes to summer hockey.

Back in June, our friends at USA Hockey dropped an email on me with the subject line “An open letter from an “Anonymous Hockey Mom”.

This judgmental missive was purported to be written by a Hockey Mom that is tired of the grind and fed up with the way her kids are being pushed into TOO MUCH HOCKEY. She’s had it with the overzealous hockey schedule, and is fighting back … anonymously of course.

As much as she would like us to believe this is her personal therapy, it’s really a passive-aggressive, two-handed verbal chop to parents that have the nerve to bundle up and visit a rink in the summer.

I love this beauty … “I don’t want to dictate family life by the hockey schedule. It’s nice for everyone in the household to be able to take a breath and have some downtime. That’s what summer vacation is for: biking, swimming, camping, baseball, Frisbee, and just being kids.”

So what is being implied, is that by spending time at a rink in the summer, our children are deprived of all those other fun things kids do when the gulag doors are opened and school is dismissed.

Feel free to engage in your own self-analysis – here’s mine.

My kids skated this summer (I know – BAD DAD) and, if memory serves me correctly, most of their ice time occurred on weeknights (maybe twice a week) after dinner had been served. We would load up the car, hop into rush hour traffic, and spend an hour beating the summer heat in a nice, cool arena. They loved it, made new friends, and learned a thing or two. At no point did either one of them complain and they even told me (GASP) it … was … fun (REALLY BIG GASP).

While they were skating, I met parents that were running from a baseball game to the rink to a sleepover and back again. All done in the name of loving their kids and making them happy. I also met coaches with a passion for teaching and a smile on their face to greet their players. I spent long weekends at tournaments and saw people from around the state enjoying the game.

And you know what else? My kids went swimming on a bunch of occasions, played baseball & softball, threw the Frisbee around, rode their bikes, and generally acted like kids. They didn’t camp, because this parent hates tents and sleeping bags—call me crazy but I’ll take a hot shower and some thread count over sleeping in the rain and being devoured by mosquitoes. One parenting demerit for me.

Everyone— kids, parents, and coaches—seemed happy, which led me to believe that maybe it’s ok to spend a little time skating in the summer!

Further Evidence of Our Bad Parenting

“Anonymous Hockey Mom” isn’t the only parent fed up with youth sports and hockey, here’s a couple of other examples.

From the New York Times this summer … youth sports are RUINING the lives of people. When this one was sent to me, I pointed out that my daughter wasn’t allowed to perform in a summer play because she missed 3 rehearsals. My conclusion – Summer Plays are RUINING the lives of young people!

And this beauty from the StarTribune last winter … We are parents of “Prima Donnas” and not nearly as accomplished a cross country skier as the author, mostly because we spend all our time dragging the kids to the rink and conspiring to take ice time away from players we don’t know.

Maybe I Need Some Written Therapy…

So I thought, for the sake of fairness, I would write a brief open letter to “Anonymous Hockey Mom” and all the other passive-aggressives that question our parenting and passion for youth sports.

So here goes <throat clear>

An open letter from a Hockey Dad –

As the season approaches, I hope each of you (parents and kids) had a great summer. If you skated during the offseason and had fun – good for you! Everyone should spend time doing something they love. I also hope you had time to bike, swim, throw a Frisbee and enjoy other activities, except camping – because it usually rains and the skeeters are awful!

I bet you’ve started warmups, and for the older kids maybe even tryouts. Can I tell you something? Whatever happens after tryouts, you’re going to have a good time playing hockey as long as you (and your parents) follow a couple of my rules.

1. Try hard – Some kids are more advanced than others, that’s why we have A, B, and C teams. Don’t despair if you don’t make a certain team…go out and get better so you can take another run at it next season. My son was crushed when he made a C team last year. He and the other kids on the team worked hard, got better, and we had the BEST SEASON EVER!
2. Have fun and be respectful – Get dressed fast, jabber with your teammates, and be a good listener during practice and games. I’ll guarantee your coach will smile and laugh with you if you follow the rules. Also, Mom & Dad should have fun too. Get to know the other parents, don’t despair if your skater makes a mistake during the game, and don’t “stay up too late having fun” at the team hotel when you have an early game the next day during an out of town tournament (you know what I mean).
3. Do all that other important stuff, like getting your homework done before practice, taking your equipment out of the bag and airing it out (please!), not touching the water bottle spout with your lips, going to the bathroom BEFORE you get your equipment on, and smiling nicely for the team pictures (unless your coach wants you to look mean).
4. Don’t eat too many doughnuts after your Saturday morning practice. Three should suffice.

There are probably a few I missed, but you get it. Whether you’re skating all summer long or strictly during the winter, hockey will be fun as long as you make it fun … and you don’t have to feel guilty about enjoying every second of it!

Sincerely,

Joe Anderson – a non-anonymous Hockey Dad that doesn’t cross country ski and hates camping

The post You Crazy Hockey Parents appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.