I am not sure why this has become so prevalent. Last Sunday I was at a youth sports event, and as always, the sport does not matter. There were 6 year olds playing. One coach yelled at his player: “If you don’t want to be out here, I’ll get someone else in who does.”

I am not sure what bothered me more: the fact that nobody on this team thought this should be stopped, or more precisely, that this was obviously an every game occurrence.

Let me explain a couple of things about kids that I have learned from being a parent and a coach. Kids trust adults. Especially adults put in a position of authority. Trying to teach kids by yelling at them makes them feel awful. They live in the moment. When they feel hurt, they rebel, ignore, and/or shut down.

They are kids. The younger they are the harder it is to teach them “plays”. Just let them play everything and love to be active. You know how many times kids change their minds in a day? Besides, it’s like trying to herd baby kittens and puppy dogs when they are that age.

If you want to see kids playing well with no yelling, go to my website frozenshorts.com and click on videos. Scroll down to the Pop Warner video. These kids were given one minute of instructions and allowed to play. The officials were a high school volleyball player and a high school soccer player. They were out there for safety and to blow the whistle when the play stopped. These kids were averaging between nine and sixteen plays in a 20 minute half under their coach’s tutelage. In the second half they will run 21 plays! Watch them do cart wheels and summersaults.

They do not perform their best when they are constantly being told what to do either. Ever hear a two year old say this: “I can do it by myself.” When is the last time you were at a playground and you heard the children stop what they were doing to ask an adult to give them more structure?

Coaching is a very important part of youth sports. A wise man once told me, “Coach the kid, not the sport.”

Or, Coach Molly and Bo, not the x’s and the o’s.

This is what we do at Frozen Shorts. We use science, psychology, and data to teach all who will listen and want to learn that a safe, healthy, and happy child will play all day if you let them play for fun.

You see it’s not my job to decide when or even if the light goes on for those associated with youth and high school sports. My job is to just keep flipping the switch.

I am just the messenger, the truth was already there.

You can follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, Please like him on face book at frozenshorts, sign up for his weekly FREE newsletter at frozenshorts.com, or read other essays from VJ and watch related videos at frozenshorts.com

The post Let the kids play appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

Featured Image Credit:
Anne-Marie Jackson

This is a story of a young girl. Remember, as always, the sport does not matter. These events happen every season at many high schools across the country. She comes from a very athletic family, is quite young and she decided to play a new sport in her freshman year in High School. Being a good athlete to begin with, she grasped the concepts of her new sport quickly and led her team in scoring at the junior varsity level.

In her sophomore year she made the varsity team at her high school. Everyone in her family was quite pleased. Once again, the parents are really good people, and they believe in the multiple sport concept and rest. The parents were surprised at how much playing time their daughter got, or didn’t get during the season. But they thought she would just wait her turn.

On one hand they believed that playing at the varsity level was better than playing another year of JV as their daughter had already led her team in scoring at that level. They also thought that while playing on the varsity team she would get better playing with and against more talented players.

Let’s break this down.

Each year, each team is different. Being the leading scorer one year does not mean you will lead the team in scoring the next year. Also, there are many benefits to playing with your classmates and learning many of the life skills that should be a priority in youth sports (yes, high school qualifies s a youth sport). Also, as in life, you are going to have to work with and play with people that are sometimes more talented than you and sometimes they are less talented. It doesn’t matter, you still have to learn to get along with different skill levels and different personalities in ALL walks of life.

Nobody gets better sitting on the bench. A fallacy of youth sports is that a player gets better practicing against better competition while getting minimal playing time. At the youth sports level this is simply not true. First of all practice rarely imitates a game situation. Sometimes in practice, players that are assured of a starting spot do not put out full effort. When a sub tries really hard it annoys the starter.
Also at this level mistakes are so plentiful that rarely does the consistency of play allow for a learning experience on the bench that never comes close to actual playing time.

When the sub goes in, and because they are not used to playing at this new level there is a little angst and nervousness associated with opportunity “given” to this player. If there is not then this player should be getting lots more playing time because they now have the mental part of the game in hand. And remember, it is just a game.

Sometimes the player will play not to make mistake to try and ensure more playing time without realizing that very thing will slow their development, and that accelerated development which only comes from increased playing time would make the player better, which in turn would lead to more playing time (really, think about it).

If I give you 30 minutes to figure out a problem and work on it continuously, and I give another 5 minutes, won’t the person I give the more time to get better at solving the problem?

Next Week Part II

The post Sitting on the Bench Waiting Your Turn – Part I appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

Two cross town rivals going at it in front of a packed house. The atmosphere was electric even before the junior varsity game was over. High school games in our area consist of four eight minute quarters. The varsity game started out being competitive; both teams played hard and the score was reflected in the players’ willingness to play at a high level of skill, unselfishly and with purpose.

However during the second quarter and the start of the second half one team started to pull away on the scoreboard. The score became lopsided before the third quarter was finished.

This is a broadcaster’s worst nightmare before the third quarter was over. However both these coaches started substituting early in the fourth quarter and with six minutes to go in the game they emptied their benches and put in all their players.

What happened next was outstanding.

Fans from both teams had favorite players, probably classmates and underdogs to cheer for, playing now. The cheering got louder and the play got better. Players from both teams spurred on by the cheers of the crowd and, of course, playing time, real playing time, started to shoot and pass with a skill set and desire that was most impressive. It was on par with what had transpired earlier in the game.

They were all very unselfish. No one player on either team tried to pad their stats by shooting too much or hogging the ball. Players hustled and dove for balls, one even throwing his body on the floor to save a ball from going out of bounds. The crowd went wild, cheering for all the kids and all the plays filled the gym with a feeling of community, teamwork, and appreciation.

Their teammates on the bench would stand and cheer for good plays. The last six minutes of the game became the most entertaining part of the contest. The hustle, desire, teamwork and sportsmanship were on par with other excellent games I had broadcast.

You see it’s not always the most talented players who should be playing. On all teams there should be intra-team competition. I wonder how much more spirited the next practice was when those two teams hit the gym the next day?

What could have been a boring end to a high school basketball game turned into a life lesson for all those who chose to see it. A game that could have gotten out of control, as many blowouts do getting chippy, selfish, and frustrating, did not happen this time in this game. It was a joy to watch.

The coaches and players stopped the Tsunami.

The post Second String, First Class appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

In my talks and interviews around the country and parts of Canada I am occasionally confronted with the idea that winning is everything. More succinctly, I am presented with the hypothesis, or in some cases, the misconceived notion, that children of all ages must be taught the importance of winning while they play youth sports, because that is a life lesson. To follow that logic, or lack thereof, we must forget for a minute that 85% of all people who lose their jobs, except for massive layoffs, lose them because they don’t get along with other employees.

Winning is such an abstract concept, that even professional teams, who say they only care about winning, and spend millions of dollars each year to try and win, still can’t win a championship, and can’t explain to anyone how to guarantee a win.

But I am supposed to believe that part time youth and High School coaches with little or no professional training can teach children this abstract concept to kids? (Really, this is like bringing down a Harvard Professor who teaches Quantum Physics and has received the “Skytte Prize” to a Middle School and having her try to teach these kids Quantum Physics.)

Do you really think that John Calipari, after coaching Kentucky to an National Championship in college basketball, forgot how to win the next year when his team did not even qualify for March Madness, and the NCAA Division I National Championship Tournament?

Teachers in Elementary, Middle and High Schools, do not teach children that they have to win. They teach them the importance of the journey, and learning for the joy of learning. (Now this successful formula is being eschewed for the notion that teaching to the test is more important than being educated for life, but as usual, I digress)

Teachers understand how important it is for children to work and play together. They have the children work in groups and do projects together, because they know through experience and Master’s Degrees in Education, that this is the best way to teach children, and have the knowledge stay with kids after school is done. They know how important community is in children’s lives, now and in the future.

So why don’t we coach these kids the same way they are taught everyday in school? Ever seen a teacher yell at a kid during a test?

Winning and losing will prepare them for life these coaches say. People tell me that I am “Mamby Pamby” about winning and that Frozen Shorts espouses the theory that equal play for all is another form of entitlement. (Even though we say equal play for prepuberty children and play by performance for the older ones)

Equal play allows “lazy” coaches to get away without coaching all the fundamentals needed to teach children life lessons and the importance of winning I am told. Nonsense. It’s a kid’s game and some adults want to make their participation in youth sports, more important, and more profitable to them at the children’s expense. It is one of the major reasons they quit playing

Well, let’s back the bus up here for just a minute and see what is going on here. So, how is it that the paradigm of winning as being the almighty answer can and is sometimes built on a false foundation? How many of you have played in a game and won when you did not play well? How many have you played in a game, played well, and still lost? So, in these games winning and losing actually were not a clear indication of how well you played. The outcome of these games either gave you a win you didn’t earn or a loss you that may have hid how well you really played. How do you build and develop children with a false base? Now that is confusing to me. Imagine how confusing and frustrating it is to the children?

They just want to play and have FUN!

The idea of life lessons that employ the journey, not the goal, as being of paramount importance, and the #1 priority in youth and High School sports, has been lost on this generation of parents, coaches, and athletes for the most part. Scholarships, ego, status and angst have enveloped this new youth sports paradigm. As I like to ask in my talks: “How is your way working out for you?”

What is the outcome? Injuries are skyrocketing, violence has increased dramatically, and children are quitting playing youth and high school sports in record numbers. That is not a successful business model, is it?

The problem has become a national health issue. Type II diabetes is on the rise and obesity has quadrupled in the last 30 years.

Os sure, people can preach the mantra of winning, but really, what are those people really winning? Is this the base that we want to emulate the paradigm for our children’s future? I hope not.

I’d really hate to have to try and teach Quantum Physics!

The post Winning:Teaching Quantum Physics to Children appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

Let the children PLAY FOR FUN and be safe.

The post How many kids quit because of checking? appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

VJ Stanley

And then it happened.

The following is an excerpt from a conversation with a hockey parent. As always the sport really does not matter. If it is really true, it applies to all things, including non sport related activities.

The post I’m Not That Kind of Parent – Part I appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

VJ Stanley

I was recently called in by a coach to address the problems on his basketball team. Once again, the team, the sport, the organization are unimportant. If our paradigm is true, and it is, then it should be applicable to sports, activities, business and life.

He was having problems with one of his players. The layer in question was a good kid but was not performing to the coaches expectations. He could see the frustration on his players face in practice and scrimmage.

I attended one game and one scrimmage and the answer to his problem was quite simple, however, by no means, was it going to be easy.

Here was the real problem. The player in question, arguably the best player on the team, was kept in games no matter what he did. Even when he made a mistake, he was not pulled out of the game. (Now I am not saying he should be pulled out always after every mistake, or any player should be pulled out for a mistake, but there should be consequences, and they should be immediate) Instead the coach would turn to players on the bench and lecture them about the mistakes on the court. You should have seen the look on the players sitting on the bench after the coach turned around. They could not have cared less!!.

So after the game I take the coach out to a diner and we sit down and chat. I did not want anyone to hear our conversation, or have the coach feel nervous around his people. I stayed in the background the whole time.

I wish I would have recorded this conversation, but as soon as I left I wrote this all down. I am trying to get this as close as possible to the actual conversation, but I’m old, my hand writing is awful, and I keep getting distracted thinking about more things to talk about.

I asked the coach why he didn’t pull the player put of the game. He said he did not want his player to feel his starting position was in jeopardy. I said no one has a starting position locked; only the spots themselves are assured because someone has to start. Starting positions are fluid. I then asked him if he thought that you ran fastest when you were being chased. He smiled, he got it!

He then told me about having another player talk to this player to assure him about his importance to the team. I explained to him that if that player needed reinforcement by another player to play well there was no way he was the team’s best player. Besides it is the coaches’ job not another player’s job to talk to the player.

The next question really floored me. He said that he had players on his team that couldn’t start and that they really didn’t have the talent to push the starter. He had told these players their roles at the beginning of the season. WHAT? I said why don’t you ask one of those players who you think can’t play if they want a chance to start? Tell them they are going to get a chance to start the next game if they give their all in practice. Now he was STUNNED!

The only real tool a coach has is playing time. Everything else is subjective. Inter team competition is the best way to bring that out in all your players.

Next week, what happened when the F.S.T. M. was implemented.

Frozen Short’s contact information:

You can follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more. You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. His book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports I available in E reader and paperback through his website frozenshorts.com

The post STARTING POSITIONS; NOT STARTERS appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

VJ Stanley

Any team has certain dynamics that change through the course of a practice, game, and season. The key component to any successful season, (you notice I did not say WINNING season because you can’t control who wins and losses so stop concentrating on it so much)) is that the players have trust with the coach and each other.

Then you want to have the experience be fun. Kids play for fun. They are not mini adults or remote controlled robots attached to a coach’s personal joy stick. They are kids. Embrace who they are as kids and allow them to be creative. Teach them the difference between making a mistake and failure

Kids are naturally competitive, Put 10 kids at the end line of a basketball court and one sheet pizza at the opposing foul line, no coach needs to do any coaching there, no structure needed. Blow a whistle and watch em go!

So how do you get the trust? And it is trust, not respect. Because trust is reciprocal and that’s what fuels success. You do it by embracing Inner team competition. No entitlement. He who plays best plays most. 7% of your most talented player (notice I did not say best player) is not better than 100% from another player who is sitting. That’s not fair completion, and that’s how coaches and team’s start to have cracks in their foundation. Nobody who dresses for a game sits on the bench the whole game. The human body does not fully develop until 22, 23, and 24 so to say a player is a sub, or a bench guy is not supported by medical facts. Nobody gets better sitting on the bench watching, nobody!

We all love and have seen the late bloomer. If a good player screws up the next guy goes in. It’s called play by performance. At Frozen Shorts we teach this every day here is my interview with SoccerNation that fully explains how we operate and what we concentrate on in our talks, workshops, seminars and coaching clinics.

SoccerNationhttp://www.soccernation.com/playing-for-fun-cms-3412

Because if something is really true, it is true across the board, not just for hockey or any sport. This paradigm includes academics, dance, violin, music, etc.

Too many times we manage our kids to our expectations not their needs. Let them be creative and have fun. That is the optimum time for growth both mental and physical!

You can buy VJs book, Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports through VJs website, FROZENSHORTS.com follow him on twitter @VJJStanley, like him on Face book at frozenshorts, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com to book him for your group organization, or team for his consulting services, speaking engagements, and seminars or just to talk about youth sports.

The post FUN ENGAGES THE BRAIN appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

VJ Stanley

The post Stop The Tsunami In Youth Sports appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.

Once you get past puberty and by that I mean the varsity level of high school sports it should always be play by performance. In hockey we have the saying: “you are only as good as your last shift.”  No player should think that he or she is entitled to playing time just because they have talent or are the coach’s kid.

That actually hurts the development of the player and the team’s chances of winning. Let me explain.  Players need to know they will be rewarded for their efforts.  We are a goal orientated society and we get rewards in real life (a paycheck) after our week of work.  So to should children see the benefits of their efforts?  “You always run faster when you are being chased,”  Is one of my favorite expressions?

Let us say you are having a bad game.  Why not take a breather and let someone else take a crack at it.  If that player should do well we should embrace that as a positive as that will make the team and ultimately all players better.

Now let’s look at the flip side.  What happens when the better player is left in a game when they are not playing well?  They start to develop bad habits.  They are not accountable for their performance.  Other players see this as favoritism from the coach and subs consciously start to resent either the player or coach, OR BOTH.

Real Development for the children, real fair competition

Slowly but surely the team chemistry starts to erode and the team dynamics associated with that chemistry start to implode.  You want to see an underachieving making it very difficult for the team to get better and play with consistency unhappy team, go watch a team where the coaches’ kid plays all the time and certain kids sit way more than is even remotely necessary.

You see, most human bodies, that’s right MOST not the 1% of the 1% who are genetic freaks, take time to develop.  They do not fully develop until they are into their early 20’s so no one should be sitting on the bench a whole game if they are on a team in youth and high school sports.  All that is happening in that scenario is that certain kids are getting a head start and will of course play better than the kids who don’t play…for a while.  These kids actually are being hindered and not helped in their desire and effort to win.  Then, when they don’t win, well, that’s when the you know what hits the fan.

Then, the dreaded “it’s not my fault” starts creeping into the picture and finger pointing and sulking start to appear.  The coach gets upset and says “the heck with it, I can’t please everybody,” so he stays with his starters.  His thinking, maybe winning will satisfy them, or me!  The coach has any sub that plays on a short leash and benches that player when they don’t do well all the while letting the more talented player stay in the game even though mistakes are being made.

VJ’s new book Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports is now available through his website in paperback.  You can follow him on twitter @VJJStanley, on face book at Frozenshorts, email him at vj@frozenshorts.com or call him at 585-743-1020

The post Competition versus Entitlement appeared first on Minnesota Hockey Magazine.